Away abroad

Since I have been traveling and living abroad for a couple of years now, I get asked quiet often this question “don’t you miss being with your family”.

I understand why people ask it and I find hard to answer it because it’s a mix of yes and no.

I don’t want to look like a monster but to be honest, I don’t have a family with easy and positive relationships (I know it’s the case for a lot of us) so going away has been a relief for me.

It can sound weird or cruel. I have friends that can’t live more than 5 miles away from their parents or not talk to their mom on the phone every day.
It didn’t happen for me and my brother and sister.

After my parents split the atmosphere at home became really heavy, it never became light and fresh again, we still have old tensions in the air that are 10 years old. My parents and us we have different characters and ways to communicate. It seems that when we spend too much time together, we just hurt each other.

Yes, we should have family therapy but that’s another conversation.  

So no, it doesn’t really hurt me to be that far away. Yes, I miss my family and my close friends. But it never came to the point where I felt “I need to come home to be with them”. Being in my hometown would be the death of my soul, there is nothing there for me to grow and feel fulfilled.

The ones that are close to my heart know it and they really saw me get better being away.

Thanks to technology we can still be in touch on a daily basis anyway. Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, emails.. you name it, there are several ways to reach out and we are having fun with it. Even my grandparents learned how to use their smartphone to facetime with me (even if I see more they hair or their nose than their faces but still).

I miss big events like weddings of friends or new babies but in a way, I am also paying more attention.

Because I am far, I am trying to take care of them, I send them pictures, videos, voicenotes and I am working harder to maintain our connection. I can’t do it with everybody because it would be very time consuming so, time has made me do some selection. But I think I kept the best relationships on track and I am spending several hours every week to reach out to every person that I care.

It can sound selfish but let’s be honest, a day only has 24 hours, you work, you eat, you sleep, maybe work out and read a little, you can’t maintain deep relationships with 100 persons, especially if there are living on another time zone.

The hardest part is to make others understand my point of view. Even good friends sometimes tell me “I don’t get why you stay there, it’s hard, expensive, food is not good, you are far from us, what’s the point”. But it can be difficult to have others understand you no matter in you live in your town or in another country.

We are all unique, what works for me doesn’t for others and vice versa. It’s valid for any aspect of your life.

To conclude, yes, I miss moments with my families and friends, not being in environment with them but it’s also making me a better person so I think it’s worth it. And they think the same.

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